i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
