I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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