ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
