i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
