im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
