I think I am morally bankrupt
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
