A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
