also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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