Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
