Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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