We're like a lot better than the average bears
The maid of honor just puked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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