but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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