Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
