I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
