Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
