i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
