I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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