Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
