why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
