idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
