Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
