Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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