Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
