He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
