last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
