In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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