My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
