they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
