do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
