Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
