I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As shirtless as possible
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
