woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I had to cum in my sink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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