When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
