I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
