maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
