ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
