She's JV to your varsity
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
