i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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