And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
