I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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