I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize