trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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