You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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