So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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