Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
