so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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