Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
