It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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