I puked a lego.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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