I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
