hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
