i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
there is glitter all over my balls
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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