Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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