I hate all girls vehemently.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How external is "for external use only"?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
