you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
