After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
