people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
