I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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