another moral hangover. fuck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
