We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
