you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
