she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
