I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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