Can i not drive my cunt home
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
