i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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