I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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