I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
