I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
