Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
