Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
