it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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