I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
