you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize