I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
